My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you inspire me to be a worse person
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
