One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
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I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize