does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
