Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
