He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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