There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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