Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
