its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
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There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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