Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too

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(502): View more from Kentucky

i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.

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(720): View more from Colorado

So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.

(970): View more from Colorado

well, dont

(720): View more from Colorado

I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.

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(770): View more from Georgia

You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.

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(806): View more from Texas

You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on

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(647): View more from Ontario

From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!

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