I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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