Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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