My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
