when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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