Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
