Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
