I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
