I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I could make wine with my vomit
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
