so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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