someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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