you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
