i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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