it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
