He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
