on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
