All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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