my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
