Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
