I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
