Please, let me fuck your mom
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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