I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
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He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
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If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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