wat bout pragnant strippers??
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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