I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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