Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
