Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
