Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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