Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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