I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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