5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
