when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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