just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
