"it" just moved
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
