Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
