now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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