$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
