Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
