My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize