I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
