Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize