It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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