sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
