i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
