I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
this boner is exhausting
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
