I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just invented taco cereal.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
