farters have to be the big spoon...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
