I'm going to rape someone's good day.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
