3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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