The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
